What I want my Neonatal Nurses to know

2018 International Neonatal Nurses Day

Almost 16 years ago, I was a scared 25 year old first time mum of a premature baby born at 34 weeks. Besides it being an incredibly frightening time, I look back and realise how I really had no idea of what was going on or what I was doing. My time with him in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) was like being in a completely foreign world. It felt like everything was happening really fast and really slow at the same time. What I didn’t know then is that it was an experience I was to go through another two times with my next two babies including a nine week stay with my second son who was born 13 weeks before he was due.

Wednesday, 15 August, is International Neonatal Nurses Day and I often reflect on the profound effect and role the neonatal nurses had not only on the physical health of my babies but also on my own emotional health during that time.

The day your children are born are amongst the most significant days of your life. And whether that experience is joyous or one tangled in fear, worry and trauma, like mine were, the memories don’t leave and the people who are with you at the time become part of your story – and that includes the nursing staff who live the day to day world of NICU with you.

Although their primary focus is the baby in their care. What comes attached to that baby are anxious parents and the nursing staff were there for me in ways I will forever be grateful.  

I remember them comforting me every time I cried – which was a lot.

I remember the gentle encouragement they gave me when I felt scared to put my hands inside the humidicrib and touch my baby.

I remember the confidence they gave us to finally hold them even though they were hooked up to machines.

I remember the photos they took and the memories they helped us create when we couldn’t be by our baby’s side.

I remember it was the nurse’s hands in the water with me the first time I bathed my baby.

I remember how they educated me and helped me work out how to express breastmilk knowing it was going to be for a long time, especially with my earliest baby, as it was almost 7 weeks before he was ready to even try and feed on the breast.

I remember them reassuring me that I could do it and would be able to look after them when the monitors were finally turned off and they were coming home. That was scary.  

This is a list that could go on forever and on a day that acknowledges their work, what I would like to say to my neonatal nurses is simply thank you.

Thank you:

• For knowing that as a new mum caring for a sick baby was scary

• For being patient and repeating things to me often.  I was in shock, sometimes it took a long time for new information to sink in

• For doing what you could to make us feel part of our baby’s team and not feel like visitors

• For understanding that small things were a big deal. Their first bath, their bellybutton falling off, their first outfit. If it was something I would be part of at home, it was a big deal here too

• For encouraging us to take lots of photos and videos even though it was hard to see how baby like that

• For realising that I found it difficult to act and feel like a mum when there was so much I could not do for them

• For telling us it was okay to hope

Being a NICU parent is something I didn’t know existed before having my boys and it was an experience I needed support through. This is where my neonatal nurses came in. Their role is so much more than the babies they are caring for and includes caring for the families those babies will go home with.

To these incredible nurses everywhere, my hope is you are aware of the imprint you make to our memories at one of the most important and emotional times of our lives. Thank you for being so passionate and dedicated to your work because I know for myself personally, we wouldn’t have our babies and the experience we did without you.

You are changing lives and helping create families.

The Power of a Moment

At a recent medical conference, I spotted a couple of rows in front of me a doctor who will forever have a special place in my heart. I see him often so it wasn’t rare to see him but my heart always fills when I do. I took a quick photo of the back of him and popped into my Instagram story, not thinking too much of it but was surprised by the beautiful messages it received.  

This doctor and I first met just over 14 years ago, under very traumatic circumstances. I have seen him many times over the years, mainly through my work with Miracle Babies, and have many photos and selfies with him but he is such a humble and unassuming man that he always seems almost embarrassed by all the fuss.

But to me, he deserves every bit of fuss imaginable. He saved my son.  

When my second son Dillon was born, 13 weeks early, he was resuscitated and taken immediately to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU). It happened fast and everything was uncertain. When I was well enough to make my way to where he was, there were so many people around him, the doctors and nurses who were working on him, that I couldn’t see him. They were putting in lines, doing everything they could to save him.

There was nothing I could do for my baby in that moment and I stood there in shock, seeing only the crowd of people focused on him. Then something happened that would stay with me forever. I will never, ever forget his doctor, this man, a man I had never met before, stopping what he was doing, looking up, finding my eyes and nodding before turning his attention back to the baby. It was quick and anybody in that room would have missed it but for such a brief second, he acknowledged me. He acknowledged me as that baby’s mother and it meant everything. Moments later we were ushered out of the unit into a quiet room and the next time I saw that doctor, it was to tell me that, for the moment, my baby was okay.   

I have spoken to him many times since about what that gesture meant to me and he shyly smiles and shrugs it off. That action may leave his memory but the impact on me will stay for a lifetime. In the chaos of what was going on it was calming, I had to trust him, my baby’s life was in his hands and it was acknowledgement that even though, in that moment I could not do anything for my son, I mattered.

Never underestimate the impact you can have on a moment.